What is Directed Breathing in childbirth?

Although breathing techniques were a popular way to prepare for childbirth in the 1970s, birth skills have gone out of popularity. The most common and well-known breathing techniques were Lamaze. This was very popular with expectant families particularly in the US at a time when childbirth choices had become more available.

The purpose of breathing techniques is to distract women from the naturally occurring pain of contractions. There are many theories surrounding the use of breathing techniques as a useful tool for self-management of birth pain. Another benefit of learning breathing techniques in giving fathers/partners an active role in coaching birth.

For most of the history of modern maternity medical care women laboured alone either in a ward separated by curtains, a semi-private or private room. By the mid-1960s women demanded the presence of their husband during labour, they didn’t want to be alone and wanted help in coping with the pain of labour. The most natural person to help was the husband. After all he was going to be a father and women rightly believed that men should understand how hard labour was. Many men felt left out of the whole birth arena. Although some cultures excluded fathers historically, there were many cultures where fathers were actively involved.

A man who learned breathing techniques was much more likely to actively help his partner manage contractions. This built the family relationship. Men appreciated the hard work of labour and their admiration of women increased and subsequently bonded more easily with their baby.

However, breathing techniques didn’t always work. The most common reason for this had to do with the intensity of pain. When the pain became very intense in the perception of the woman, often she felt out of control and lost control of the techniques she was taught.

This had a spin off effect for the man. Often men thought that the pain had shifted into a problem of some kind. This was mixed with a belief that the woman knew what she was doing, or that her feeling out of control was a normal part of labour. This often led to confusion. While the woman often wanted her husband to help her, he was often uncertain how to or whether he could or should. Sometimes he just wanted the obstetrician to come in and assist in helping her out of her misery.

Directed Breathing is an entirely different way to use our breathing in labour. We breathe all the time and will continue to breathe in labour whether we groan, scream or are very quiet. Breathing techniques are based on theories about breath, where Directed Breathing is based on what we do as humans when we breathe in different situations or activities.

The one and only contributing factor to a change in a woman’s breath in labour is directly due to the amount of pain she is experiencing. Pain is subjective, however any person who experiences what they perceive as pain, will find their breath changing. Usually one pain response is to increase the rate of our breathing or to begin to make sounds. Groaning, moaning, and hyperventilating are all part of this common response to feelings of pain.

Directed Breathing childbirth skills move us from merely using a technique to understanding how humans breathe when they feel pain and when we are relaxed.

Birth pain is unique. It’s usually not coupled with an injury, sickness or even a problem. It occurs naturally and is connected to the opening of the cervix that is, the closure of our womb. When a baby is ready to be born, the cervix must open. This stretching causes pain during the contractions that are the action of the womb to tug the cervix open.

Learning Directed Breathing skills is vitally important during pregnancy. All humans breathe the same way, so men and women will both understand what relaxed breathing feels like compared to stressed breathing. This means couples can work more closely and men can understand the sounds a woman makes in labour and what it means.

Directed Breathing skills create a focus to work with the baby’s efforts to be born even if your inner voice doesn’t like the experience. Using Directed Breathing permits us to use our willpower, determination and choice at every moment of birth. In fact, as contractions get more painful, we are more likely to use our Directed Breathing skills more deeply. It makes common sense and becomes our default behaviour. Your partner can model the best breathing type and work with you at every phase of each contraction.

Birth preparation and childbirth skills will become the common approach to pregnancy in time because they work in all births. Directed Breathing skills can also be learned when you are planning a cesarean and used during delivery and recovery.

We will all breathe. Intentionally using your Directed Breathing skills will give you a sense of control of the experience as well as working with your baby’s efforts.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Transfer From Birth Centre To Hospital ... Take Your Birth Skills

Transferring from Birth Centre to hospital

Transferring from a Birth Centre is never anticipated or else people wouldn’t plan Birth Centre births. Transferring from a Birth Centre to hospital occurs when it is deemed necessary for the wellbeing of the mother and child or if the woman is too tired to continue where she is.

There are two ways you can look at this subject - failure or success. There are two ways you can deal with this if it happens to you - as a failure or with success.

When a family does transfer to hospital from a Birth Centre, everyone wants this to be a smooth transition. Obstetricians, midwives and staff absolutely love to see women cope with labour and fathers really help. All birth professionals want families to have a very positive birth experience even if you have to transfer to their care in hospital. This can be done when you have learned birth and coaching skills during pregnancy.

By using your birth skills you get to impress all the staff and lock into your memory what you have done for yourself in what has become your hospital birth. What do you think you’ll remember? Do you think you’ll just remember transferring from your desired Birth Centre birth or the great skills you’ve used for yourself? You can feel passive to the experience, disappointed and out of control, or continue to use your self-learned birth skills and get on with the birth.

Even if you need a cesarean delivery, you can use your birth skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation at every moment and during recovery. Working with your baby’s efforts to be born is always rewarding wherever you give birth.


You can prevent some reasons why you might have to transfer to hospital from your chosen Birth Centre birth. Childbirth is a very physical process. A very large object has to come out of a ‘container’. When we prepare our body for birth we do so intentionally to make that process easier and safer for both our self and our baby.

Part of preparing for our birthing body is also learning the birth and coaching skills that help us work with our baby’s efforts to be born on the ‘big day’. When we couple preparing our pregnant body for birth and use the skills to work with the process then we are more likely to self reduce some of the common reasons women transfer from Birth Centre to hospital.

If we have to transfer for very serious medical reasons we don’t have to skip a beat in using our birth and coaching skills. Our body will be somewhere even if we need medical assessments, monitoring and procedures.

Transferring to hospital from a Birth Centre might be a disappointment or a relief. When you have your birth skills you realise that where or with whom you birth is much less important than continuing to work with your baby’s efforts to be born.

So get on with the glorious experience of giving birth no matter what. Use your skills and you’ll always feel empowered.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Transferring From Home Birth To Hospital

Transferring from Home Birth to hospital.

Transferring from a home birth is never anticipated or else people wouldn’t plan home births. Transferring from a home birth to hospital occurs when it is deemed necessary for the wellbeing of the mother and child or if the woman is too tired to continue at home.

There are two ways you can look at this subject, failure or success. There are two ways you can deal with this if it happens to you - like a failure or with success.

There are some countries where there is an ease when transferring to hospital from a home birth because both are considered normal and natural places to give birth. And often the political/legal/care system is set up to make the transition as comfortable as possible.

In other countries, transferring from a home birth to hospital is very challenging for the family, the care provider who attended the home birth and hospital providers.

For any family, the choice of a home birth can be an emotional decision. For many families giving birth at home means being surrounded by what is familiar and doing things the way you would like. That alone does not guarantee that you will stay at home and not transfer to hospital.

You can greatly increase the probability of staying at home to give birth when you learn birth and coaching skills during pregnancy. Childbirth is a very physical process. A very large object has to come out of a ‘container’. When we prepare our body for birth we do so intentionally to make that process easier and safer for both ourselves and our baby.

Part of preparing our birthing body is also learning the birth and coaching skills that help us work with our baby’s efforts to be born on the ‘Big Day’. When we couple preparing our pregnant body for birth and use the skills to work with the process then we are more likely to self reduce some of the common reasons women transfer from home births to hospital.
If we have to transfer for serious medical reasons, and are glad we live in countries where modern medicine exists, then the skills come with us and can be used. Our body will be in some place even if we need medical assessments, monitoring and procedures.

When we transfer from home to hospital, we can still use these birth and coaching skills. Obstetricians, midwives and staff absolutely love to see women coping with labour and fathers really helping. All birth professionals want families to have a very positive birth experience even if they may not support your choice to have a home birth.

You might be glad or angry that you’ve had to transfer from a planned home birth to hospital. By using your birth skills you get to impress in your memory what you have done for yourself in what has become your hospital birth. You can either be passive to the experience or doing something for yourself.

Transferring to hospital from a home birth might be a disappointment or a relief. When you have your birth skills you realise that where or with whom you birth is much less important than the working with your baby’s efforts to be born.

So get on with the glorious experience of giving birth no matter what. Use your skills and you’ll always feel empowered.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com and learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better® the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

When Birth Plans fail

For the past forty years, expectant parents have been told to make a Birth Plan. This is like a wish list of what you would or wouldn’t like to happen on the ‘Big Day’. Of course there are factors that influence the ability to do that, whether about your health, doctor, hospital policies or your choices.

You are then expected to discuss your Birth Plan with your obstetrician or midwife and even the staff in hospital on the ‘Big Day’. Sometimes going armed with the Birth Plan is what gives you a sense of control over your birth.

But what happens if the desires or choices for your Birth Plan change? What happens to you mentally and emotionally when what you would have preferred doesn’t happen?

Obviously the emotions can range from disappointment to outrage, from being grateful to feeling foolish or from nonchalance to acceptance. And these aren’t the only emotions. Sometimes your true emotions don’t show up until months after the birth because you’ve had time to think about the events that brought about a change.

In the title the word ‘fail’ has been used. This doesn’t always mean that a woman feels angry about the changes. Sometimes the family fully understands the need for the Birth Plan to change, but almost always there is some sense of ‘what if’ and regret. This makes sense because you have spent a great deal of time thinking about what you would like. You might also have spent a great deal of time discussing and negotiating with your obstetrician or midwife.

Obviously you have invested in orchestrating the birth of your baby in the same way that you arranged your wedding or a very special surprise or birthday celebration. Birth Plans are important and mean something.

However, Birth Plans also have a quality of wishful thinking based on a perfect birth. They can also be based on beliefs rather than the reality of the day. Often women will say: ‘This is what I’d like but if … then…’

That makes the effort put into the Birth Plan a little unstable. There’s another way to approach birth that is much more likely to produce success, that’s learning good birth and coaching skills that you and your partner use throughout the birth experience, whether you labour, or during a cesarean delivery.

A ‘Plan’ is not an ‘Action’. Actions are what get you through labour feeling in control. Plans can often change.

Actions based on a good foundation of skills can be adapted to suit the situation. Being adaptable through actions you take (using your skills) means that you can work your way through this process feeling great about your management abilities, even if the events may be less then perfect.

Birth Plans that change don’t prevent you from using your Directed Breathing, relaxing inside your Pelvic Clock or using Deep Touch Relaxation with your partner.

The purpose of giving birth is to work with your baby’s efforts to come out of your body. That’s the only thing that’s important on the day no matter where, with whom you birth, what is happening to you or around you. With birth skills your birth becomes your reality rather than a plan that can fail.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Having an unassisted birth

It is a big decision to have a birth at home without the presence of a birth professional. Certainly the commonly used term ‘unassisted birth’ is not the best. This implies that you are not only making a decision to give birth without a professional, but also all by yourself or that no one is there to assist you.

Actually, if you birth entirely on your own you have to assist yourself and your baby to be born. When your husband, partner, friends, relatives and children are present they will assist you. However, the term currently used is ‘unassisted birth’. Let’s coin another phrase.

Birth is the ultimate in physiological processes probably because it’s so infrequent and involves two people (mother and baby). Other naturally occurring physiological processes such as hunger, sexual drive, menstrual cycle, getting sick or going to the toilet don’t involve a second person to the level of letting a baby out of your body.

Birth in any place at any time can be the most physically intense experience of a woman’s life. All over the world women are giving birth in the exact same way, one contraction following another. This will occur whether the woman is surrounded by loved ones in a safe environment or in the middle of a famine, war or tsunami.

Planning an ‘unassisted birth’ is a personal statement although it’s often perceived as a political statement.

It’s also often perceived as a rejection of something but in reality, it’s a choice for something. Sometimes that might be having a cigarette after birth when that would be discouraged. Sometimes it’s for the intimate privacy or the distance from hospital or lack of midwifery care.

Regardless of all these factors, one of the very best things you can do for yourself, baby and those who will assist you is to learn birth and coaching skills. Before you react to the word ‘coach’ let’s think about that role. A support person is there to give you support but little guidance. Coaching is not telling you what to do, it’s a person who can give both support and guidance as you need it. It does not matter what term you use as long as people know how to help you if and when you need some help.

Helping you during an ‘unassisted birth’ can be breathing, whereby you use Directed Breathing, helping you relax inside your body using The Pelvic Clock or helping you to relax using Deep Touch Relaxation.

Learning birth and coaching skills based on our human body can change the birth experience from something that happens to us into a conscious experience between the mother and baby as they work together.

Using Common Knowledge birth skills can increase the satisfaction of your ‘unassisted birth’. There is another reason to learn good birth and coaching skills. There are some times when it becomes important to seek medical care during a birth. When you have birth skills you can move into a medical environment still using these skills. This means you are much less likely to feel that your ‘unassisted birth’ has failed. Instead you recognise a need to have medical care yet continue to work with your baby’s efforts to be born.

However, where you have your baby may be important. Being able to work with the process of birth wherever you birth, or with whom, become much less important to the memories you’ll live with than to what you have been able to do for yourself. Using birth skills throughout labour and delivery is probably the most significant thing you can do for yourself and baby.

You will never regret being a skilled birthing woman or having your loved ones work with you. This is the true intimacy of childbirth and building your family’s intimacy.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Take Your Birth Skills With You To The Birth Centre

Increasing your odds to have a successful Birth Centre birth

Unfortunately Birth Centres are not that common. If you live near a free standing Birth Centre then you are very lucky. You’re more likely to have access to a hospital with a Birth Centre attached. You’ve may have already discovered that Birth Centres have stringent protocols and it’s very easy to fall outside their guidelines for acceptance.

If you get refused from a Birth Centre or get transferred to hospital, if you have learned good birth skills, keep using them and you’ll still have a really positive birth experience. Once you’ve been accepted to birth in a Birth Centre it’s important to increase your chances of birthing there.

Often families choose to birth outside hospital yet not at home. Birth Centres offer that in between place. Families want a more relaxed environment for the birth of their baby. Many decisions (Birth Plans or choices) are based on political feelings about birth. Somehow hospitals have gotten a bad rap, but it’s curious that so many families will head there if needed. So somehow the hospital is a love/hate place.

When a family chooses a Birth Centre because they have political, personal or philosophical beliefs around childbirth, when something happens to change those choices, despair often descends.

So there are two aspects to this article. First is how to reduce or eliminate the risks of transferring to hospital. Second is how to improve your hospital birth if you end up there.

One thing is certain, you’ll still have medical assessments, monitoring and perhaps some procedures during your Birth Centre birth. A perceived rough vaginal exam can occur whether the woman is birthing at home, hospital or Birth Centre. So a Birth Centre experience can be improved by what you bring to your birth - and that’s your preparation and skills.

In its simplest form childbirth is an exercise in plumbing, a large object has to get out of a ‘‘container’’. Keeping this understanding in mind, you can see how important it is to prepare the ‘container’ to let the object out as easily and safely as possible. Fortunately, pregnancy is the only time to do this and only after 24 weeks of pregnancy.

Preparing your birthing body has to do with learning skills to keep your ‘container’ open, relaxed and mobile. There are three parts of the ‘container’ the object must negotiate to come out:

1. The bony pelvis
2. The open cervix
3. The open birth canal

After 24 weeks your pregnant body begins its journey toward birth. Always keep in mind that birth is actually an active word, actions are taken in order for the object to come out of the ‘container’.

Along with preparing the pregnant ‘container’ for the activity of birth, it’s important to learn birth skills. Coaching skills for the birthing partner is also vitally important. Wherever you birth, pain is often connected to the activity of birth. Being at a Birth Centre does not change the pain perception and women can as easily tense up their ‘container’ in a Birth Centre.

The pain is connected to the cervix opening. This means it’s essential you learn to relax inside your Pelvic Clock, keep your sacrum mobile, remain in positions that keep the bell shaped curve of your contractions and stay open. These are learned skills that you use by linking your mind to your active birthing body.

If you don’t know how to reduce your own birth tension in response to pain this is more likely to lead to more assessment, monitoring and procedures and even transfer to hospital. So, the first thing you need to do is make certain you learn birth skills that come from preparing your pregnant body so you can cope and manage the pain in a relaxed manner. This means you have to look and act like you are coping with labour pains. That’s the first way you can assure the highest possibility of having a Birth Centre birth.

The second way you can increase the possibility of a Birth Centre experience is to make certain your baby comes through your birth canal. If you have tight muscles inside, or tense up, as this large object comes down to this area, then you risk delaying the final exit of your baby. By doing internal work from 32 weeks onwards, you can ensure that this part of your body can open easily without the characteristic stinging that often occurs.

Planning a Birth Centre experience is just one step on the road to success. However, once you’ve prepared your pregnant body and learned great birth and coaching skills then you’ll realise that you’re more likely have a successful Birth Centre birth.

However, you’ll also know that if you need more medical care that all your preparation and skills will give you the birth you imagined even if you end up in a hospital.

Find out more about preparing your pregnant body for birth at http://www.birthingbetter.com

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Giving Birth In Your Own Home

Giving birth at home

It is always a big decision to have a birth at home. In some countries where there is little medical care, giving birth at home or in a birth hut is common. In countries where there is a comprehensive modern medical maternity model, home birth may be legal and supported or sometimes frowned upon. Home birth is almost always a political issue whether that is right, wrong, good or bad it is often the reality.

For most families who plan a home birth in modern countries, there is always the option to go to hospital if it’s necessary. All births can be made safer and better when you have good birth and coaching skills.

The father, partner, friends, relatives and children can also be there to help you cope with this very dynamic experience.

Before you react to the word ‘coach’ let’s think about that role. A support person is there to give you support but little guidance. Coaching is not telling you what to do, it’s a person who can give both support and guidance as you need it. Use whatever term you want as long as people know how to help you if and when you need some help.

Birth is the ultimate in physiological processes probably because it’s so infrequent and involves two people (mother and baby).

Other naturally occurring physiological processes such as hunger, sexual drive, menstrual cycle, getting sick or going to the toilet don’t involve a second person to the level of letting a baby out of your body. It’s important to make this journey as safe and easy for both.

Birth in any place at any time can be the most physically intense experience of a woman’s life. All over the world women are giving birth in the exact same way, one contraction following another. This will occur whether the woman is surrounded by loved ones in a safe environment or in the middle of a famine, war or tsunami.

Having skills such as Directed Breathing, relaxing inside The Pelvic Clock or having your partner use Deep Touch Relaxation changes the dynamics of childbirth. Learning birth and coaching skills based on our human body can change the birth experience from something that happens to us into a conscious experience between the mother and baby as they work together. Working with your partner, friends or relatives during the process of labour and delivery increases huge intimacy in your family.

Working with your baby’s efforts to be born in a conscious manner increases the great satisfaction you feel about your home birth.

There is another reason to learn good birth and coaching skills. There are some times when it becomes important to seek medical care in hospital during a birth. When you have birth skills you can move into a medical environment still using these skills. This means you are much less likely to feel that your home birth was a failure, instead when you recognise a need to have medical care you can continue to work with your baby’s efforts to be born anywhere.

Where you have your baby may be important however, being able to work with the process of birth where ever you birth or with whom becomes much less important to the memories you’ll live with than by what you have been able to do for yourself. Using birth skills throughout labour and delivery is probably the most significant thing you can do for yourself and baby.

You will never regret being a skilled birthing woman or having your loved ones work with you. This is the true intimacy of childbirth and building your family’s intimacy. This experience is enhanced when having a home birth because your home is where you express your own individual intimacy to both place and people.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Giving Birth In Hospital ... Take Skills!

Wonderful hospital births can happen every time

Political debates control the conversation setting up opposition as to what is the best birth: natural versus medical, Doctor versus Midwife and home versus hospital. Each aspect is then broken down into more minor yet persistent debates such as constant foetal monitoring as standard practice or cesarean delivery for all breeches and twins. The political debate continues.

There's an imbalance in childbirth. Women can often feel defensive about their choices or lack of. Birth providers claim to know what is safe or dangerous. And fathers can still pretty much in the dark ages of being involved without really knowing what to do, not a good path toward a positive experience.

Families are left in a swirl of everyone’s opinion with Birth Plans the only defense or sense of control left to them. On the other hand, many women feel totally comfortable with what their Doctor says. There are suggestions that if a birth takes place in a hospital then it can never be good. Other claims insist that births in hospitals are the safest and anything else almost verges on the criminal.

Debates could be much less about the where a woman births or who the birth provider is and more about what expectant parents need to do for themselves regardless of where or with whom they give birth.

Women can do a lot for themselves that increases and creates a positive birth experience, particularly hospital births. Pregnancy is an appropriate time to prepare for birth and learn birth skills, when a woman gives birth in hospital she can use the skills learned during pregnancy to enhance the birthing experience.

In hospital there will be medical assessments, monitoring and procedures. As long as a woman is conscious, she’ll still breathe, so good breathing skills such as Directed Breathing can be very useful. Obstetricians, staff and Midwives absolutely love to see women cope and manage labour pains. Or if a cesarean delivery is essential, your birth professional will appreciate your using some relaxed breathing techniques during surgery.

That’s also true for our birthing body. We can consciously use relaxation skills to soften inside our body, this can reduce birth pains during labour. In a cesarean delivery, this helps us feel more involved in the birth of our baby. Even women who need or desire a cesarean can feel very disconnected during the whole process. By using birth skills, you will participate in the birth process at a deeper level, this can leave positive memories.

Consciously using skills are the actions you can take to work with your baby’s efforts to be born. This is what being involved with birth means. Birth is an action word. It’s like a performance or event with the woman doing the performance.

Giving birth in hospital can be as full of birth skills as birthing anywhere, women just need to know what skills to use and those are best learned during pregnancy. This is true for all pregnant women.

Fathers or partners are now expected to help during labour and birth. When men step into hospital it’s very easy for them to feel entirely out of their depth. But no obstetrician will ever stop a Dad from breathing with his partner or helping her to relax. Fathers have a job to do, they can learn coaching skills during pregnancy and know what their job should be.

No matter what people think, giving birth in a hospital can certainly be a positive experience because there is so much expectant parents can do for themselves in whatever type of birth occurs.

If you believe a hospital is the safest place to give birth then do your best to make the birth even safer and easier through birth preparation that includes learning birth and coaching skills. If you believe hospital is your only option but you’re not happy, then it’s more important that you use your own birth skills to work your way through birth one breath cycle at a time. If you believe hospitals are the worst place in the world, then using skills can keep you feeling in control of your own birth experience.

The birth you have is up to you when you think outside the box and realise that no one has put birth and coaching skills into the equation. Therefore, people are arguing and debating external factors and not what we can all do for ourselves.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

First Pregnancy/First Birth

First pregnancy – Help! What’s going to happen?

You’re having your first baby, now you are pregnant and looking toward the future – ‘the birth’ and becoming a parent.

Not many things in Life are so dynamic and full of the unknown and also full of everyone’s opinion.

This article is really about how to prepare for the birth of your first baby. Once you’ve gone past the first 3 months of pregnancy, moved into the 2nd trimester (2nd three months), you begin to not only think about ‘the birth’, you have already begun to research the possibilities.

Preparing for childbirth is not dependent on the choices (or lack of), your health issues, the Doctors or Midwives available, your living or financial situation or even how you feel about becoming a parent.

The reality of pregnancy is the same for all women. Once you are pregnant you will give birth, one way or another. You’ll have to sort out the practical things such as where or with whom you’ll birth. You’ll have to make decisions about what you would like at your birth such as pain relief, the ability to move around or a cesarean delivery.

You’ll also have to fit your whole life’s situation into the plans you make for the birth of your baby. All of this sounds like an awful lot to be doing and it is. Often all the choices, things to think about, the information to gather, the process of birth, what your Doctor or Midwife expects of you, or is offering, take a lot of time and sorting out.

No wonder so many first time mothers either feel they have to have a firm belief about ‘the birth’ or else decide to go along with their birth professionals’ recommendations. This period of pregnancy, usually from about 24 weeks on, is often filled with confusion.

Believe it or not confusion is good. Being in a state of confusion leads us to want to sort things out so we feel more comfortable.

So, let’s look at one door that can open to lead to confidence and a deep sense of being ready to give birth. That one door is your ability to prepare your birthing body and to learn birth skills such as breathing, relaxation, communicating well with your partner and keeping your body open to let your baby out.

Any birth, including a first birth, is actually an exercise in plumbing. Your body is a ‘container’ for your baby and during ‘the birth’ this object has to come out of your ‘container’. You can make that passage much easier, no matter whether you follow all the suggestions of your Doctor or Midwife or make your unique Birth Plans.

By learning birth skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, you take charge of what you can do for yourself during your first birth. You’ll still have to breathe. Your body will still be in some posture or position.

By learning birth skills, you’ll feel capable, confident and ready to meet the challenge of birth. More importantly, this sense of capability moves you out of confusion into a sense of being in control and being in control is all about having appropriate skills for any specific task.

This is all good because being skilled during ‘the birth’ can work with and around, all the assessments, monitoring and procedures that occur in birth. Not only that, but you will feel more ready to parent when you have worked with your baby’s efforts to come out of your body rather than feel at the mercy of the experience.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

First Time Dad-to-be

First time fathers need all the help they can get

Whether your first baby is planned or not, you are pregnant and the future, ‘the birth’ and becoming a parent is right there in your face.

Life is dynamic but becoming a first time father is so full of the unknown and everyone’s opinion. Not only that, there is very little support for fathers in general, in a generally feminine area and especially for first time expectant fathers.

Where can a first time expectant father start? This article is really not about all the social factors of becoming a first time Dad, but rather on how you can help at ‘the birth’. For many months ‘the birth’ seems like a far off future event, but sometime around 24 weeks that all changes. As the belly gets bigger and bigger the Big Day comes closer and closer.

You’ll be faced with so many things to think about, and you might not feel particularly consulted. Preparing for childbirth is about the choices (or lack of) your partner has, her health issues, the Doctors or Midwives available, and your living or financial situation.

Encompassing all of these complex issues is your relationship to the mother of your child and your living situation. You might feel that you have very little control over any of this. However, ‘the birth’ is one area where you can not only have control, but also excel.

The woman goes through the birth experience and your Doctor or Midwife also does the birth. However, you will be expected to be there and help. You aren’t expected to help your Doctor or Midwife; however you are expected to help your partner.

Learning coaching skills is not only essential for first time fathers; it is the one stabilising thing that all first time fathers can focus on during all the confusion. You can learn coaching skills that are based on what you, as a man, share with women - our human body!

Childbirth is a very physical experience that occurs in our body. As a man you have the same number of bones and muscles as women. You blink, cough and can tense up your muscles the same way women can.

This means that you can learn a set of coaching skills that are based on what we all share in common - our body and how we use it. Birth is just a heightened experience of using our physical body.

But you need to practice these skills regularly for short periods of time every day. Once you know what type of relaxed breathing you want to help your partner achieve when she is feeling a lot of pain, then all you have to do is breathe in and out, one time, several times a day in that relaxed way.

Because we have the same body, if you breathe in a relaxed manner then another human being will do the same. You just need to learn how we breathe and how breathing changes during painful contractions. This is simple to learn, practice and do.

Once you learn breathing, relaxation and communication skills then you, as a first time father, will excel as a birth coach. Now some people will say that your job is to ‘support’ your partner. But let’s think about this word compared to ‘coach’. When you support someone you are there for them often holding their hand, giving a back rub and just hang around. However, a support person never really gives guidance like a coach would.

In your role as an expectant father, you must have an equal role as a parent. You are not just a support to her parenting. This means you need coaching skills during the birth to really help her cope with the natural occurring pain of contractions or during the surgery of a cesarean delivery.

Coaching is an action. It includes being there, providing support and guidance. This guidance is based on a shared set of birth skills that both you and your partner can learn together from 24 weeks of pregnancy such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation.

First time fathers can be excellent birth coaches once these skills are learned. Doctors and Midwives absolutely love to see a father really help during labour. This is your role, your job, so learn the coaching skills that give you confidence and the know-how.

This is all good because being a skilled birth coach during ‘the birth’ will work with and around all the assessments, monitoring and procedures your Doctor or Midwife will require. Keep working with your partner through one contraction after another or during the surgery of a cesarean.

You will feel more ready to be a parent when you have worked with your baby’s efforts to come out of your partner’s body rather than feel at the mercy of the experience.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Men Who Have Been Traumatized By Birth

Fathers who have been traumatised at a birth

Being at a traumatic birth can be devastating to everyone. Sometimes a woman can feel alright about her birth experience, but it may have left the father being so blown out he isn’t sure he wants another baby. Other times the woman is left with the trauma and the father sometimes doesn’t know what she’s upset about.

None of this matters in the long run, if you can do something to heal the experience. There are so many reasons for a traumatic birth and the after affects. No one would have wanted that experience for either you. Being present at a traumatic birth can hinder you from feeling confident as a new parent and that’s not so good.

You might believe that every birth you have from now on will be traumatic. That’s just not true. Every birth is different and there is no way you can predetermine that the next birth will be like. So many personal and political issues surround childbirth that’s really easy to blame yourself or others. Sometimes you just believe whatever Higher Power you turn to has pre-determined this traumatic experience.

The most effective way to produce a positive birth experience is to learn coaching skills during pregnancy. As a man, you may have gone to childbirth classes and learned a lot of information that actually had nothing to do with giving birth. Learning birth skills such as Directed Breathing, The Pelvic Clock and Deep Touch Relaxation are not that common.

People often feel that learning birth skills is about having a ‘natural birth’. Well, that’s true. Everything about birth is natural or normal. But that doesn’t mean that natural means good, easy, with a successful outcome or make people happy.

There are so many factors around childbirth that we cannot control. However, the one thing we can control is our ability to respond to any situation. The more skilled we are the more able we are to respond, rather than react, or to feel swept along by events. Often people feel fine after traumatic experiences if they have been able to use their own set of skills to navigate through the experience. This is the one huge benefit for you as a man, you can learn how to coach at birth and these skills can be used in absolutely any type of birth.

The majority of research done on post traumatic stress has much to do with the ability to respond even if you didn’t see the event coming. Humans like being skilled, men in particular. Men often feel less manly when they move out of their skill range. Childbirth skills have not been part of most men’s upbringing, this can change.

Feeling competent and capable is one of our great desires. We want to be skilled so strongly, that learning new things often affects our self esteem until the skills become second nature.

Helping a woman cope with childbirth is always a challenge. Labour can be very painful and all the medical care in the world can leave a father feeling like a third arm but not if he has good coaching skills.

Coaching skills don’t come naturally. They must be learned and practiced for several weeks before the birth. From 24 weeks of pregnancy onward, a woman’s body is preparing for birth.

Coaching skills come in two forms. The first is learning a set of techniques. The danger of just learning a series of techniques comes when the woman has trouble using them. This leads to her defaulting to stressful behaviours that lead to feeling traumatised.

On the other hand if you learn a set of birth skills that come from our human behaviors then you can both share these skills and use them together. This sharing is so important during birth.

Learning coaching skills based on our human body and behaviours, means you can truly understand how we breathe, what causes our breathing to change and how to use breath to produce the greatest relaxation. Understanding how and why means that you can use the skills when they are necessary they will never fail when they are used.

Childbirth may be full of potentially traumatic experiences but if you have, and use your coaching skills by choice, will power and through determination then you are less likely to feel traumatised.

Often the difference between having a traumatic experience and being traumatised has much more to do with what skills you use than what happens.

Feeling powerless is a statement of lack of skills. This feeling of powerlessness affects both women and men. We must remember that there are many things that happen in our lives that we have absolutely no control over. When we have skills then we can manage the experience even if we don’t like it. Thankfully there are many families who have wonderful birth experiences even though they were difficult or with less preferred outcomes. They achieved this by working together and whether they knew it or not, having skills to do so.

If you have been traumatised by a previous birth, now is the time to learn birth skills, even if your partner is not pregnant. Heal the past so you can meet the future with better skills then you’ll use those skills as birth unfolds.

Never expect anyone to give you or do something for you as your bottom line. No one can make us be happy or sad or angry or calm. These are things we have to do for ourselves in whatever situation. It’s the same with birth coaching skills. Once learned, birth coaching skills are yours forever and are applicable for many other situations in life, believe it or not. Knowing how to use relaxed breathing comes in handy many times in life.

As a Dad who has experienced a previous traumatic birth please know that there is much you can do to heal your partner and yourself. You are not alone.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Expectant Dads Supporting A VBAC

Fathers Supporting A VBAC

The reason for a previous cesarean delivery unfortunately does not fall into the ‘one only reason’ category. There are so many reasons why a birth ends with a cesarean delivery. Now you are faced with your partner’s decision (which may or may not have been equally or decision) to attempt a vaginal birth after a cesarean or VBAC.

Now you are faced with having to take a role you probably feel totally unprepared for. That’s a natural feeling for fathers to feel. A vaginal birth after a cesarean delivery (vbac) is still a topic of political debate between the medical community and the consumer … or pregnant woman. Often fathers feel excluded fully from the discussion. Your partner has very emotional reasons why she wants to have a vaginal birth.

Often her feelings and emotions seem in conflict with the medical community’s opinion that birth is risky enough much less adding the risk of attempting a vaginal birth after major abdominal surgery. Your partner might find support from other women who have successfully had a vaginal birth, but rarely will you hear from a father who has had to support this experience.

Well things can change. You can’t go back and re-do the previous birth but you can do a great deal to have either a successful vbac or a successful repeat cesarean. Oh goodness, why should this article even include a successful repeat cesarean if the goal is to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean birth?

But it’s important to go down this path as well. There aren’t really any women who will insist on a vaginal birth when they really know their baby is at risk. Parents will lay their life down for their child and that includes women who desperately want a vaginal birth experience.

With the right birth skills, any birth can be a positive experience. Preparing for birth is something that should happen during pregnancy. In fact, pregnancy and giving birth need to be tied together through learning both birth and coaching skills. Your job is to learn coaching skills.

Certainly you’ll be faced with so many things to think about. And many fathers do not feel particularly consulted. Preparing for childbirth is about: the choices/or lack of choice your partner has, the health issues of both your baby and your partner and your doctors or midwives’ opinions about a vaginal birth after a cesarean.

Wrapped around all of these complex issues is your relationship to the mother of your child. Having a vbac is an emotional decision for most women. They feel they have missed out on a primal female experience. There’s not much logic often in the decision. This isn’t right or wrong. And you have the right to ask your partner if she wants a vbac no matter what the outcome.

You’ll learn that women will say ‘I’ll have a cesarean if I think it’s necessary’. What she wants from you is support to try to have a vaginal birth as long as she and your baby are fine. And this is reasonable.

If you want to help make this happen, you must get your head turned in the right direction. It’s important for you as a man to realize that all pregnant women (100%) will give birth one way or another. This is essential to really know. Once you totally ‘get this’, you can take the next step and realize that during pregnancy is the time to learn birth skills (for your partner) and coaching skills for you.

Enjoying preparing for the birth of your baby can take place whether the birth is vaginal or by surgery. Birth is birth. This means as a father, you absolutely must learn a good set of coaching skills. Coaching moves beyond ‘support’. To support a woman in labour is basically a rather passive role. Coaching is not telling women what to do. It means working with the woman at every moment of this dynamic process whether this is one contraction following another or whether it’s during the surgery.

As long as the woman is awake and not unconscious, she still will breathe and her body will be in some position. This means she can always use breathing and internal relaxation skills at every moment of the birth process. You can help her do that and be an equal participant to that process.

Birth is actually a verb rather than a noun. Birth is also a process rather than an outcome. That’s why taking time during the last 16 weeks in pregnancy to learn birth and coaching skills adds a wonderful component to your partnership and your closeness to your child.

Another thing about birth that men have to understand is that it’s a very physical experience to our body. This body is something that both women and men share in common. We all have the same bones, muscles, can blink, cough and relax when we pay attention to doing that.

This means there are a set of coaching skills that fathers can learn and practice during pregnancy that increase confidence, brings you closer to your partner and baby. This is all good.

Then you can take a natural leap into ‘The Birth’. There are women who labour and then have a cesarean delivery. There are women who labour and have a vaginal delivery. There are women who have a cesarean delivery without having contractions. But keep in mind, birth is birth and all pregnant women will give birth one way or another.

This means as a man, you can see birth as an equal opportunity experience. You can bring your coaching skills to whatever birth your partner has. By working together with a shared set of birth skills based on our human body means that both of you can have a positive and fulfilling birth experience.

Just remember to bring your coaching skills into whatever birth is happening. Bring breathing, relaxation and great communication skills to your birth. Your doctor or midwife will love to see you, as a man, really helping your partner give birth. Birth is an action and coaching is the action that helps the woman accomplish her task.

Is a vaginal birth after a cesarean possible? Of course it is. This is much easier to accomplish when you have great coaching skills such as Directed Breathing, The Pelvic Clock and Deep Touch Relaxation and have taken the time during pregnancy to learn them. However, your goal must be deeper. Your goal must be to learn coaching skills during pregnancy and use those coaching skills in whatever birth you have.

Birth is birth and every birth can be the most enjoyable experience as well as an experience that grows your closeness as a couple and family. No family should be left with shame, blame and guilt around the birth of their children.

When pregnancy becomes connected to learning how to birth for the woman and how to coach for the father, then birth will become something we do no matter what by working together. When a vbac has been achieved because of the childbirth preparation you have done during pregnancy, then you realize that there are very specific skills you do need to accomplish the task.

So, as a father supporting a vbac, get stuck into learning coaching skills from 24 weeks of pregnancy. Every day that you practice together breathing and relaxation, you both feel more confident.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com and learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better® the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Fathers Who Have Been At A Previous Good Birth

Fathers who have been present at a good birth

If you believe that a previous good birth means your partner will have another good birth, think twice. Every birth is different and there is no way you can predetermine what the next birth will be like.

It’s so easy to assume that once you have experienced a good birth, then you will always have good births. Too many women and men have been totally blown away by a subsequent birth being more difficult.

Men are really relieved when their partner has a good birth experience. Sometimes men feel they’ve had little to do with achieving that, although knowing that you’ve been a good support person during labour, has definitely helped.

You will already know that birth is very much like an athletic event, you have to keep preparing and practicing, especially if you are going to do the event again. It’s unreasonable to assume that a previous good performance means repeatedly good future performances.

Athletes have to hone their skills. However, you might not have felt that you really had the skills at the previous good birth.

Many men see birth as something women carry out. That’s correct; however, women want you to be at the birth with them to help. Sure, you might have been a great support last time by holding her hand, breathing with her, rubbing her back or holding her up for hours.

However, many men aren’t really certain they knew how to help. In a Feminist world there is a great belief that men and women are very different. But that’s actually not entirely true.

Do you know any man or woman who doesn’t blink, sneeze, cough or can tighten up their biceps? We all can. We share the exact same bones and muscles. There are coaching and birth skills based on this reality that we can all do several things.

First, whether or not this next birth is as perfect as the last, enjoy preparing your partner’s birthing body during pregnancy, particularly from 24 weeks on. This way you’ll help her increase her ability to have a great birth next time.

Second, learning great coaching skills means you work together with your baby’s efforts to be born. This means you have to alter your mind to the differences between supporting and coaching.

Coaching gives you the ability to see and hear when your partner needs some help to cope with the naturally occurring pain of childbirth and then use your common skills. This means you can support, give guidance and help so she stays on top of the sensations.

If the birth for some reason is either more difficult or even requires a surgical delivery, you still have the shared skills with which to work. This is all good. The birth of your baby deserves total, conscious involvement on your part. Besides, your partner knows the difference between just being there and helping her.

When you learn birth skills with your partner that are based on our shared human body, and how to specifically prepare our body for birth, then your good birth experience will be even more enriched.

There is no doubt, many women don’t know why or how they had a good birth. With birth skills women are more likely to consciously work with their baby’s efforts. This becomes an internal dance with the sensations and messages known only to them. However, when you and she share a common set of birth and coaching skills you will most likely become closer as a couple.

You know that giving birth is definitely not a noun or inaction. Your role as a father, who has been at a previous good birth, is not to be a spectator or passive to be hung on. Your role is to actively work with your partner and this can be achieved by learning skills together, such as Directed Breathing, The Pelvic Clock and Deep Touch Relaxation.

Even if your partner has had a previous good birth, preparing her birthing body will give her more confidence to meet the challenge of labour no matter what. No woman likes to be surprised and unprepared; particularly if they have believed they would always have a good birth because of a previous good birth experience.

Having a good birth is about being involved at every moment of the experience and knowing you are working together with your baby.

Another good birth can be so much more enriching rather than feeling like it happened by accident. Achieving a good subsequent birth has a great deal to do with what we do during pregnancy to prepare, and learning the appropriate birth and coaching skills for the task that unfolds.

As a man who has been at a previous good birth, you will never regret spending time during pregnancy to learn good coaching skills. Just as your fathering skills grow, so can your ability to bring forth your baby.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Planning A VBAC ... You Need To Know These Birth Skills!

Pregnant women preparing for a vaginal birth after a cesarean delivery

There are many reasons why a birth ends with a surgical delivery. You would now like to attempt a vaginal birth after a cesarean or VBAC (VBAC means Vaginal Birth after Cesarean). The reason for your previous cesarean delivery may not be the same as why another woman has had one.

A vaginal birth after a cesarean delivery (VBAC) is a hot topic of political debate between obstetricians and pregnant women. You also might have emotional reasons as to why you would like to attempt a vaginal birth. Whether you feel supported in your decision and hope to have a vaginal birth or not, there is a great deal that you can do for yourself.

There is no doubt there is lots of support for your decision by other women who have had a VBAC. There are also two important things that are rarely discussed about VBAC. The first consideration is knowing that if you believe another cesarean delivery is the right or safe thing to do, you can still enjoy preparing for the birth of your child and use birth skills during the surgery and recovery.

The second consideration is to know that preparing your body for giving birth is vitally important in your goal to have a VBAC. However, this can also lead to feeling positive about the birth if it is another cesarean delivery. Birth is birth. You, your partner and child are having a very unique experience and all births should be positive experiences.

By learning very specific breathing and relaxation skills that can be used during both labours/births and non-labour/cesareans may lend toward healing a lot of the shame, blame and guilt that often surrounds birth today.

Whether you will labour and then give birth vaginally, labour and have a surgical delivery or have a non-labouring cesarean birth your pregnant body is preparing to give birth. One hundred percent of pregnant women will give birth. How we give birth can be hugely influenced by the skills we bring to that birth experience.

Giving birth is not a noun or inaction even in a surgical procedure unless you are unconscious. Giving birth is something to be prepared for being completely involved in. This is all about learning birth skills and preparing your pregnant body to give birth.

Giving birth is a process of action for you and your baby. Your baby has to come out of your body. Your body is a ‘container’ or vessel for your baby, it’s important that this ‘container’ be prepared to liberate a large object. There are ways to prepare your body to do this during pregnancy that are based on what we all share in common, our birthing body.

We can learn how to keep our inside soft tissue relaxed, how to keep the bony pelvis mobile and how to prepare the exit so it opens. This can be done during pregnancy no matter what birth will eventuate.

By preparing our birthing body we get to enjoy the experience, take charge of the changes our body is making toward giving birth and to feel more involved with the process. Preparing our birthing body can also give us more confidence.

Learning birth skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation not only increases that confidence, the skills become applicable for the task of giving birth. You are much more likely to know that you will be able to achieve a vaginal birth after a cesarean, unless there are medical reasons affecting you or your baby.

Keep in mind that childbirth is called ‘labour’ because it’s hard work. When you have learned the appropriate skills to do the hard work then you are more likely to accomplish the task. This is particularly true when you have prepared your ‘container’ for the task ahead.

You can then work with your baby’s efforts to be born during the actual process of birth, particularly when the work gets harder and more painful. Having a vaginal delivery after a cesarean is a working event, not an outcome. And even if you have another cesarean you can still use these skills, having enjoyed preparing your birthing body and have a positive birth.

No matter how you give birth, it is an action word and when you take your birthing skills and use them throughout the whole experience then you will feel like you’ve had a natural birth experience rather than feeling like things happen to you.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Have You Had A Previous Good Birth Experience?

Preparing for another birth after a previously good birth experience

If you’ve had a good birth experience in the past, you might not think that you need to prepare for your next birth. Every birth is different and there is no way you can predetermine that this birth will be as good or even better.

Why should we assume that ‘once a good birth always a good birth’? Or more specifically why should we assume that a good birth is something we are entitled to because we’ve had a previous good birth experience?

That’s like saying that a good meal just happens, when actually preparing a good meal comes from having good cooking skills.

Preparation and skills are the operative words. Being hungry is as much a naturally occurring physiological process as is giving birth. It just happens more frequently and it’s more commonly known how to cook than how to give birth.

No matter what your previous experience was like, preparing your body for giving birth is vitally important. If you end up having another good birth, then all the preparation will have paid off. It’s the same for learning good birth skills. If you work with your baby’s efforts to be born, you are much more likely to know you’ve had a good birth, somewhat because of your own efforts.

When you learn birth skills with your partner that are based on our human body and how to specifically prepare our body for birth then your good birth experience will be even more enriched.

After 24 weeks our pregnant body is preparing for birth. We can learn ways to prepare our body so the passage for our baby is made easier. We can learn birth skills so our participation is more full and conscious. There is no doubt that many women don’t know why or how they had a good birth. With birth skills we know that our ability to work with our baby’s efforts become an internal dance with the sensations and messages known only to ourselves.

Giving birth is something each woman and her baby do together; it is definitely not a noun or inaction.

Our baby is stimulating the ‘container’ that has held it for 9 months, birth is the action of an object that must come out of a ‘container’.

It’s important that this ‘container’ be prepared to liberate a large object. All humans share something in common, our birthing body. We can prepare our body with the help of our partner and learn the same set of skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation. Of course, we are doing the work of labour but our partner’s role is to help us feel in control of the sensations of each process.

We can learn how to keep our inside soft tissue relaxed, how to keep the bony pelvis mobile and how to prepare the exit so it opens easily and without delay for the baby and without trauma to our own body.

This needs to be done during pregnancy no matter what birth will eventuate. Preparing our birthing body is part of the enjoyment of the experience whether we believe we will have another good birth or not. Preparing our birthing body also gives us more confidence that we will meet the challenge of labour no matter what. No woman likes to be surprised or unprepared.

Learning birth skills increases confidence and for a woman who has had a previous good birth, also enriches her insight, instinct and intuitive capacities. Birth is an infrequent experience so why not fully enjoy the whole pregnancy, preparing for birth and learning birth skills to use that are applicable for the task at hand.

During the event of birth you can then work with your baby’s efforts to be born particularly when the work gets harder and more painful. A good birth experience isn’t always about having a short birth or one that wasn’t too painful to you. Having a good birth is about being involved with every moment of the experience and knowing you are working with your baby and reading the internal messages your body and your baby is giving you.

You’ll never regret spending time during pregnancy to learn good birthing skills. Every time you are pregnant, re-learn them and deepen your experience. Become a skilled birthing woman during pregnancy and see how knowing how to birth broadens the concept of good births.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Have Your Suffered Birth Trauma or TABS?

Have you been traumatised by giving birth?

There has become a common Acronym …TABS which means Trauma After Birth Syndrome. This can include Postnatal Depression as well as having had a traumatic birth experience.

There are so many factors around childbirth that we cannot control. However, the one thing we can control is our ability to respond to any situation. The more skilled we are the more able we are to respond rather than react or to feel swept along by events.

It’s so easy to assume that ‘once a traumatic birth, always a traumatic birth’. Many women and men have been totally blown away by a subsequent birth being a lovely experience.

You might believe that every birth you have could be traumatic. Yet, every birth is different and there is no way you can predetermine that the next birth will be like. So many personal and political issues surround childbirth that it is really easy to blame yourself or others.

There is no doubt that experiencing a traumatic birth leaves scars on you and your family. There are so many reasons for a traumatic birth and the after affects. No one would have wanted that experience for you.

There are many ways to reduce, prevent or eliminate the potential for a birth to leave a sense of trauma (TABS). The most effective way is to learn both birth and coaching skills by preparation during your pregnancy.

The majority of the research done on post traumatic stress has much to do with the ability to respond even if you didn’t see it coming. Humans like being skilled, and feeling competent and capable is one of our great desires. We want to be skilled so strongly that learning new things often affects our self esteem until the skills become second nature.

Coping with childbirth is always a challenge. Labour can be very painful and all the medical care in the world can still leave you feeling incomplete and dissatisfied. If you are pregnant now or planning to be pregnant, learning birth skills can make all the difference in the world.

Birth skills come in two forms. The first is learning ‘techniques’. The danger of just learning a series of techniques is what happens when you find it difficult to use them. On the other hand you can learn a set of birth skills that come from our human behaviors. For example, if you understand how we breathe, what causes our breathing to change and how to use breath to produce relaxation then you have a breathing skill that always works. Because using relaxed breathing skills makes sense. They will never fail when they are used.

It might be hard work to use relaxed breathing skills but once you understand how you will breathe, if you don’t use them then you realise it’s more a matter of choice, will power, determination than just ‘technique’. Often the difference between having a traumatic experience and being traumatised has much more to do with what skills you use than what happens.

Feeling powerless is a statement of lack of skills. There are many things that happen in our lives that we have absolutely no control over. When we have skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation then we can try and manage the experience even if we are not comfortable with it.

If you have been traumatized by a previous birth, now is the time to learn birth skills, even if you are not pregnant. Preparing your body and learning the skills gives you great insight into how you would have managed the previous experience. This gives you more ability to handle the future.

There is no guarantee that at your next birth, the situation will lend itself to a positive experience. Never expect anyone to give you or do something for you. No one can make us be happy or sad or angry or calm. These are things we have to do for ourselves in any situation.

It’s the same with birth skills, once learned they are yours forever. They can help you heal the past, deal with the present, prepare for the future and come away from the experience knowing that you met the challenge as best you could by being in control of yourself, your behaviours and your mind.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

Having no choice in childbirth

Sometimes we have little, no or few choices when we are pregnant about the birth. There can be many reasons ranging from political, health or personal reasons. Whenever we say ‘we had no choice’ about childbirth, we are cataloging the negative. In fact we are saying we’d like things to be different.

If we have no choice then we have what we have. This isn’t necessarily a negative, just a reality. In fact, often in Life we don’t get to orchestrate any moment, event or situation? Sometimes we think we can or have. We can plan a party, wedding or vacation. Yet often the best laid plans go awry.

We have been told that having choices or making Birth Plans are important and part of the responsibility parents-to-be have to make. So, having no or limited choices seems to take our power away.

We can feel sad, angry, frustrated, depressed or cornered. Knowing we have no choice in childbirth can set up feelings of blame, shame and guilt.

However, there is something we can always do when we are pregnant that does give us a world of wonderful choices … learning how to birth. For a father, partner, friend or relative who will be at the birth learning coaching skills transcends the lack of choices the woman can be faced with.

You might wonder why this matters. You might inaccurately believe that if ‘they’ can’t give me what I want my birth will be ruined or horrible. You might believe incorrectly that what happens to you or around you is what makes a good birth. In fact, it’s what we can do for ourselves that leaves the best memories particularly in unfavorable situations.

Have limited or no choices in childbirth might be seen of as an unfavorable situation. Given a perfect world what would you choose for your birth? The one constant choice you can make that can guarantee that you have a positive birth in any situation is learning how to birth.

Learning how to birth and birth coach means that whatever birth happens you can work with your baby’s efforts to be born one contraction at a time or during surgery and recovery. No one will take away your ability to breathe in a relaxed manner or relax. No one will stop your partner from helping you to do these things. And it is your conscious ‘choice’ to inhale and exhale in a relaxed manner. And it’s your choice to relax inside your body rather than get tense.

Your baby actually doesn’t know that you have no choices about its birth. Your baby only knows what you do to help it be born. That’s the exciting part of learning how-to birth. Having limited or no choices about childbirth is a mental issue. Giving birth is a physical experience.

If you are lying in bed with tubes coming out of every orifice, as long as you are awake and conscious you can use your how-to birth skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation. This directs your mind and attention to what you can do rather than the list of things you couldn’t do. You will always feel empowered and positive by what you can do for yourself.

That’s why having no choices in childbirth, does not mean the end of a positive birth. It just means that this is your reality and what you have to work with. But don’t feel sorry for yourself, there are many women who believed that choices or options would lead to a good birth only to be surprised when Birth Plans changed and they weren’t prepared. And there are many women whose birth followed what they had planned and wished for to the letter, but they hated every minute of it.

Too much attention has been placed on having childbirth choices. Women giving birth during war, famine, flooding or by accident birthing on their own didn’t choose those situations. Having birth and coaching skills makes even the worst birth situation an opportunity to use your skills and feel empowered by what you can do for yourself.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births..

Pregnant Women From Many Cultures Need To Know This!

Ethnic women preparing for childbirth

One thing is certain we are all the same. Every human being has the same number of bones and muscles. We all have a mouth, nose, two eyes, and two ears. Our physiological processes are exactly the same as well. When it comes to childbirth every woman carries their baby inside their body and when it comes to giving birth one contraction follows another, until finally a baby exists out of our birth canal.

Some people believe that we need to recognise and accept our differences before we acknowledge our similarities but primarily we are the same.

There is no doubt we think differently, have different beliefs, speak different languages as well as wear different clothing, make different foods and have different homes. We even have different ways of managing the same physiological processes.

But when it comes to childbirth there are few variables to the experience. This means there must be ways to prepare for childbirth that transcends our ethnic differences and skills we can use universally to cope with the naturally occurring pain of contractions.

The one aspect of childbirth that we must acknowledge and work with is the role of pain during labour. When any woman has contractions that are not painful she gets on with whatever she is doing at that moment. Of course, she is aware that this is the day she will give birth, but painless contractions aren’t too much to fuss about.

And some women have that painless labour until their baby comes out. However, this is less common than having a period of painful and often very painful contractions. Everywhere in the world there are women faced with, dealing with, and trying to cope with birth pain. For those of us who have experienced birth pain we know it can be very, very intense.

Having a universal set of birth preparation skills and labour management skills can definitely cross all ethnic boundaries. Every woman would benefit from knowing exactly where to soften and relax inside her pelvis because every human has the same pelvis and soft tissue. We all have the neo-cortex that can intentionally direct attention and action from our mind to body. This is one of the abilities humans all share.

When we intentionally connect our mind to our body this is called ‘skill’. Every woman can intentionally soften inside her right hip, left hip, inside her sacrum or inside her pubic bone. By doing so she creates more space for her baby and reduces internal tension that often leads to increased pain when a contraction happens.

What is fascinating, amazing and real is the fact that human men can do the same thing. Depending on who the woman’s support person will be, whether her family or husband, everyone can do the same thing. This way people can work together to help her cope with labour pain.

There are so many ways to prepare our birthing body such as learning to keep our sacrum mobile (Kate’s Cat), creating side-to-side opening of our bony pelvis (Hip Lift) or creating space back-to-front (Sacral Manoeuvre) and these skills can all be learned by all pregnant women.

We can also learn the four Types of Breathing and which ones we use when we are relaxed or in pain. And why it’s so important to use human willpower, determination and choice, and to use relaxed breathing during painful contractions.

Our differences will flourish around our pregnancy and birth as we each celebrate our diverse ethic backgrounds. Creating a universal set of skills to be used during pregnancy and birth in no way lessens our cultural importance.

Good relaxing and breathing skills just blend into our ethnic backgrounds because on a deep level we do recognise our humanity.

Often when women birth, they become aware that they are part of an unbroken line of childbirth, reaching back far into the past. We know that women have given birth forever in the same way. It is during childbirth our oneness is made so obvious and unquestionable.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

For Pregnant Women With Disabilities

Pregnant women with disabilities preparing for childbirth

This article is more about what we all share in common, how we can all prepare our pregnant body for birth and what skills we can all use to work with our baby’s efforts to be born.

Nowhere in the above paragraph was the word ‘natural’ birth mentioned. Certainly every single pregnant woman deserves and is entitled to, a positive birth experience. There is no doubt there are many aspects of modern childbirth that would seem to be antithesis to having a positive birth. Women can feel like a piece of meat heading down a conveyor belt even if they appreciate the care and believe it’s necessary.

Some disabilities will impact pregnancy and childbirth. Disabled pregnant women who live in modern countries will have access to very sophisticated medical maternity care. Regardless of whether your disability will require more medical care or not, this is not the emphasis of this article.

This is where we can distinguish between what our medical support people do and what we do. Pregnancy is happening within our body even if we have a disability. This means we can prepare for the birth of our baby, and it makes sense that we prepare for the birth during pregnancy. In fact there is a time in pregnancy when preparing for birth becomes obvious, from 24 weeks onward. Each week after 24 weeks the uterus becomes noticeably bigger. The mind also becomes increasingly more focused on the Big Day.

Preparing for childbirth transcends any disability you might have. Your role as a pregnant woman is to prepare your body to help your baby come out. Even if you will have a cesarean delivery, you can enjoy preparing for the birth. Your body is still preparing to give birth. Having a cesarean can change the focus in the mind not in the body. All the birth changes still occur which means you can totally enjoy preparing your pregnant body for birth.

As you prepare your pregnant body for birth, you can also learn great birth skills and your partner can learn their equally important coaching skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre. As a woman with a disability, you will give birth just like other pregnant women. This means all of us can have access to using our great childbirth skills whether we labour or not, whether we have a natural or medical birth, have an obstetrician or midwife, or have a home or hospital birth.

Birth is birth and using your childbirth skills just enhances your birth experience and helps your baby’s efforts to be born. This is the most exciting thing we can do for ourselves and this can lead to a positive birth at every single birth. Having a disability will impact your life you know that because you’re living with your disability. Yet preparing your pregnant body for birth, then using your birth skills makes you exactly the same as every single woman who is pregnant and going to give birth. Ultimately, this one human experience is entirely ours to be fully experienced.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

All Birth Professionals Need To Know This

Birth professionals are frustrated with childbirth too!

There's an imbalance in childbirth. Everyone knows that and you as a Doctor, Obstetrician, CNM or Direct Entry Midwife and Doulas all know this. For years the issues around childbirth have been put into political debates. Things have changed yet somehow have also stayed the same. A CNN is an Acronym for Certified Nurse Midwife. A Direct Entry Midwife is a person who has been trained to be a midwife without being a nurse first. A Doula is a person who has or has not had professional training to help at a birth as a labour support.

The debates have centred broadly around these issues:

Natural versus medical,
Doctor versus midwife,
And home versus hospital.

Of course there are many minor debates such as constant foetal monitoring as standard practice or cesarean delivery for all breeches and twins. The political debate continues.

What if there is a social rather than political debate that has not come to the forefront. What if the debates are much less about the where a woman births or who is the birth provider and more about what expectant parents need to do for themselves, regardless of where or with whom they give birth?

What if a social change could improve all birth professionals’ enjoyment of their work with birthing families? What if a social change could stop much of the political debate or at least stop the ‘either/or’ approach to birth care? This can happen when we reframe the relationship between pregnancy and childbirth from the point of view of expectant parents.

Obstetricians and midwives have all the skills to care for a woman in birth. Birth providers are highly trained from extensive education. Is there education that is connected to expectant parents? Unfortunately even though birth is such a big event in any family, the current assumption strongly implies there is nothing a woman can do about a future event that is unknown.

Given this attitude, which is promoted by both Obstetricians and midwives alike, families are left with either ‘do what the Doctor says’ or create Birth Plans to try to take some control over an experience that is surrounded closely by professionals. Let’s consider having the appropriate birth and coaching skills that give families the ability to feel in control by how they work with their baby’s efforts to be born.

Birth is a situation where you don’t know exactly what will happen until the event itself. It doesn’t mean it remains that way. Childbirth has a 100% chance of unfolding. Let’s consider the benefits of growing a social acceptance that connects pregnancy, preparing for birth, learning birth and coaching skills then using the skills during the birth.

Birth is an action word and the actions any birthing woman can take, comes from the skills she learns.

Because all women are human beings and all men have essentially the same body this means there can be a set of shared, common knowledge skills.

Regardless of where or with whom a woman gives birth, she has to breathe and her body will be in some position. Skills such as: Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre any woman can learn and then use, with the necessary care, assessments, monitoring and procedures available.

In reality every birth provider loves to see a woman have a great birth experience. Now that fathers or partners are encouraged to help at birth, all birth professionals really love to see men do something practical and helpful.

Does having a skilled birthing population hinder or endanger the birthing process?

Preparing for birth, learning skills then using them should work well with maternity services. When more expectant parents arrive in your care with confidence, capability, maturity and ability to work with their baby’s efforts to be born this can make your job much easier.

Having a reframing of our social relationship between pregnancy and birth, must have a positive impact on how families feel about their birth experience, they feel more in control no matter what type of birth they have.

Birth professionals may indicate they want stalemate in childbirth to shift. Midwives want more ‘natural’ births and Obstetricians want ‘safe and healthy mothers and babies’. Placing a greater responsibility on expectant parents to prepare for birth, learn skills then use them in whatever birth they have can become part of the childbirth solution.

Although breathing is something we do all the time, childbirth is called ‘labour’ for a good reason. It’s hard work. When we have the right skills for the task, we feel more in control and better about our effort. When a birth requires a surgical delivery by cesarean, any family can still enjoy preparing for birth. Birth will always be an action no matter what; you can use these skills during surgery and recovery.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

All Expectant Fathers Need To Know This

Expectant fathers are expected to do something at the birth of their children

Since the 1970s, fathers have been permitted to be with their partner during labour and delivery. Actually women often wanted their husbands to come and help. Before that, most women were left alone and really wanted someone to help them cope with labour pain. It took a while longer for fathers to be permitted into a cesarean delivery.

Everyone expects you to know what to do. But no one has taught you how to help a woman give birth. If you ask your partner who taught her how to give birth, she’ll probably tell you ‘no one’. For such a big experience you’d think we’d have more education or know-how.

If you’ve paid any attention to your role, you’ve probably heard that you should support your partner. Again, it may be that no one has defined the term support to you.

In the 1970s fathers were expected to ‘coach’. That term went out of fashion because some people thought that was telling women what to do, sort of like a sports coach screaming from the sideline.

However, let’s really think about these two terms (support and coach) and you can decide for yourself which role you would like. When you support someone, you are there. Some support actions are: holding hands, wiping the face with a wash cloth, being hung on, massage or even breathing along with the woman.

This is if she is labouring. If she is having a surgical delivery, a cesarean, then supporting her means sitting by her side, holding her hand and being there.

Coaching someone can use the same actions as a support, as well as give guidance, work together with and share a set of skills. Coaching is supporting with the ability to really help.

It seems the appropriate time to learn these skills is during pregnancy. In fact common sense would suggest that pregnancy, preparing for birth and learning birth skills go together.

Until 24 weeks no one is really thinking about the birth itself, but after 24 weeks time seems to fly by. Each week gets you closer to the Big Day, so it’s a natural time to prepare for birth whether your partner will have a labour/delivery or a cesarean delivery. There are wonderful coaching skills to learn such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock, Hip Lift, Sacral Manoeuvre or Deep Touch Relaxation.

These are skills based on our human body. Men and women have very similar ones and birth is the same worldwide, so such skills work well with whatever is happening in your life or what will happen during the birth.

Your partner will always breathe and you can help her do so in the most relaxed manner. Her body will always be in some posture or position and you can help her remain relaxed.

Women’s brains work overtime during birth even if they don’t do a lot of talking. So coaching your partner during labour and birth will help her feel more in control and an active participant. She’ll be able to work with your baby’s efforts to be born which leaves everyone feeling empowered.

Not only does your partner want you to help her, your obstetrician or midwife absolutely wants you to help as well. They just don't want you to get in the way of their need to do any medical care.

As a father, and being a great birth coach, you’ll get lots of pride, gratitude from your partner and praise from your birth provider. This will be great and create great memories you'll have about the birth of your child.

You already know that pregnancy is an action word, with your partner’s body changing and your baby growing. Birth is an action word too. Your partner has to do the work and you have to move beyond just being there, to taking an active role as a great birth coach who supports and offers skills as well.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.