First Time Dad-to-be

First time fathers need all the help they can get

Whether your first baby is planned or not, you are pregnant and the future, ‘the birth’ and becoming a parent is right there in your face.

Life is dynamic but becoming a first time father is so full of the unknown and everyone’s opinion. Not only that, there is very little support for fathers in general, in a generally feminine area and especially for first time expectant fathers.

Where can a first time expectant father start? This article is really not about all the social factors of becoming a first time Dad, but rather on how you can help at ‘the birth’. For many months ‘the birth’ seems like a far off future event, but sometime around 24 weeks that all changes. As the belly gets bigger and bigger the Big Day comes closer and closer.

You’ll be faced with so many things to think about, and you might not feel particularly consulted. Preparing for childbirth is about the choices (or lack of) your partner has, her health issues, the Doctors or Midwives available, and your living or financial situation.

Encompassing all of these complex issues is your relationship to the mother of your child and your living situation. You might feel that you have very little control over any of this. However, ‘the birth’ is one area where you can not only have control, but also excel.

The woman goes through the birth experience and your Doctor or Midwife also does the birth. However, you will be expected to be there and help. You aren’t expected to help your Doctor or Midwife; however you are expected to help your partner.

Learning coaching skills is not only essential for first time fathers; it is the one stabilising thing that all first time fathers can focus on during all the confusion. You can learn coaching skills that are based on what you, as a man, share with women - our human body!

Childbirth is a very physical experience that occurs in our body. As a man you have the same number of bones and muscles as women. You blink, cough and can tense up your muscles the same way women can.

This means that you can learn a set of coaching skills that are based on what we all share in common - our body and how we use it. Birth is just a heightened experience of using our physical body.

But you need to practice these skills regularly for short periods of time every day. Once you know what type of relaxed breathing you want to help your partner achieve when she is feeling a lot of pain, then all you have to do is breathe in and out, one time, several times a day in that relaxed way.

Because we have the same body, if you breathe in a relaxed manner then another human being will do the same. You just need to learn how we breathe and how breathing changes during painful contractions. This is simple to learn, practice and do.

Once you learn breathing, relaxation and communication skills then you, as a first time father, will excel as a birth coach. Now some people will say that your job is to ‘support’ your partner. But let’s think about this word compared to ‘coach’. When you support someone you are there for them often holding their hand, giving a back rub and just hang around. However, a support person never really gives guidance like a coach would.

In your role as an expectant father, you must have an equal role as a parent. You are not just a support to her parenting. This means you need coaching skills during the birth to really help her cope with the natural occurring pain of contractions or during the surgery of a cesarean delivery.

Coaching is an action. It includes being there, providing support and guidance. This guidance is based on a shared set of birth skills that both you and your partner can learn together from 24 weeks of pregnancy such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation.

First time fathers can be excellent birth coaches once these skills are learned. Doctors and Midwives absolutely love to see a father really help during labour. This is your role, your job, so learn the coaching skills that give you confidence and the know-how.

This is all good because being a skilled birth coach during ‘the birth’ will work with and around all the assessments, monitoring and procedures your Doctor or Midwife will require. Keep working with your partner through one contraction after another or during the surgery of a cesarean.

You will feel more ready to be a parent when you have worked with your baby’s efforts to come out of your partner’s body rather than feel at the mercy of the experience.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.