Having no choice in childbirth

Sometimes we have little, no or few choices when we are pregnant about the birth. There can be many reasons ranging from political, health or personal reasons. Whenever we say ‘we had no choice’ about childbirth, we are cataloging the negative. In fact we are saying we’d like things to be different.

If we have no choice then we have what we have. This isn’t necessarily a negative, just a reality. In fact, often in Life we don’t get to orchestrate any moment, event or situation? Sometimes we think we can or have. We can plan a party, wedding or vacation. Yet often the best laid plans go awry.

We have been told that having choices or making Birth Plans are important and part of the responsibility parents-to-be have to make. So, having no or limited choices seems to take our power away.

We can feel sad, angry, frustrated, depressed or cornered. Knowing we have no choice in childbirth can set up feelings of blame, shame and guilt.

However, there is something we can always do when we are pregnant that does give us a world of wonderful choices … learning how to birth. For a father, partner, friend or relative who will be at the birth learning coaching skills transcends the lack of choices the woman can be faced with.

You might wonder why this matters. You might inaccurately believe that if ‘they’ can’t give me what I want my birth will be ruined or horrible. You might believe incorrectly that what happens to you or around you is what makes a good birth. In fact, it’s what we can do for ourselves that leaves the best memories particularly in unfavorable situations.

Have limited or no choices in childbirth might be seen of as an unfavorable situation. Given a perfect world what would you choose for your birth? The one constant choice you can make that can guarantee that you have a positive birth in any situation is learning how to birth.

Learning how to birth and birth coach means that whatever birth happens you can work with your baby’s efforts to be born one contraction at a time or during surgery and recovery. No one will take away your ability to breathe in a relaxed manner or relax. No one will stop your partner from helping you to do these things. And it is your conscious ‘choice’ to inhale and exhale in a relaxed manner. And it’s your choice to relax inside your body rather than get tense.

Your baby actually doesn’t know that you have no choices about its birth. Your baby only knows what you do to help it be born. That’s the exciting part of learning how-to birth. Having limited or no choices about childbirth is a mental issue. Giving birth is a physical experience.

If you are lying in bed with tubes coming out of every orifice, as long as you are awake and conscious you can use your how-to birth skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation. This directs your mind and attention to what you can do rather than the list of things you couldn’t do. You will always feel empowered and positive by what you can do for yourself.

That’s why having no choices in childbirth, does not mean the end of a positive birth. It just means that this is your reality and what you have to work with. But don’t feel sorry for yourself, there are many women who believed that choices or options would lead to a good birth only to be surprised when Birth Plans changed and they weren’t prepared. And there are many women whose birth followed what they had planned and wished for to the letter, but they hated every minute of it.

Too much attention has been placed on having childbirth choices. Women giving birth during war, famine, flooding or by accident birthing on their own didn’t choose those situations. Having birth and coaching skills makes even the worst birth situation an opportunity to use your skills and feel empowered by what you can do for yourself.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit http://www.birthingbetter.com.

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births..